19 September 2012

The Bomb

A bomb dropped on my lap
I saw it coming, I knew the signs
Nothing I could do to move away,
It came from inside my body.

Now I can't walk straight,
Now I can't talk straight,
Now I can't see straight,
Now I can't think straight,

My hands are numb; they won't function right
My back is afflicted; the muscles are tight
My brain is affected; I can't sleep at night
My pupils are dilated; it affects my sight

The blood-brain-barrier was breached
The immune system attacked its own body
Eating away at the myelin lining
Shutting down communication
Sensory deprivation
Motor discombobulation

No cure, no relief
Damage without reversal
You won't find my grief
To that I give refusal

It's a new normal
Stumbling, stuttering, exhausted
I truly forgot the word, your name, my place, his face,
And what I wanted to say

That's not the word I was thinking of, I say
My concentration falters, my thoughts seem to stray
People who know, tell me I will be okay.
Don't say that unless your nerves began to fray,
And you know what it's like at the end of the day.

I know I'm strong, as the night is long
You haven't heard the last from me, that's a certain guarantee
I carried this bomb inside of me, and you may, too.
I unknowingly lit the fuse, and then it blew

It blew me hither and yon, through dark tight tunnels and magnetic fields, to doctors who see my signs as dollar signs, to unbelieving family, friends who don't understand, to feeling like a stranger who still looks the same, but moves differently, but speaks haltingly, but laughs unthoughtfully, and thinks crookedly.

This little ditty I wrote in one fell swoop, it isn't lyrical, it isn't beautiful, but reality isn't anyway, so I don't care. I am changed, so the world is, too.

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