19 September 2012

The Bomb

A bomb dropped on my lap
I saw it coming, I knew the signs
Nothing I could do to move away,
It came from inside my body.

Now I can't walk straight,
Now I can't talk straight,
Now I can't see straight,
Now I can't think straight,

My hands are numb; they won't function right
My back is afflicted; the muscles are tight
My brain is affected; I can't sleep at night
My pupils are dilated; it affects my sight

The blood-brain-barrier was breached
The immune system attacked its own body
Eating away at the myelin lining
Shutting down communication
Sensory deprivation
Motor discombobulation

No cure, no relief
Damage without reversal
You won't find my grief
To that I give refusal

It's a new normal
Stumbling, stuttering, exhausted
I truly forgot the word, your name, my place, his face,
And what I wanted to say

That's not the word I was thinking of, I say
My concentration falters, my thoughts seem to stray
People who know, tell me I will be okay.
Don't say that unless your nerves began to fray,
And you know what it's like at the end of the day.

I know I'm strong, as the night is long
You haven't heard the last from me, that's a certain guarantee
I carried this bomb inside of me, and you may, too.
I unknowingly lit the fuse, and then it blew

It blew me hither and yon, through dark tight tunnels and magnetic fields, to doctors who see my signs as dollar signs, to unbelieving family, friends who don't understand, to feeling like a stranger who still looks the same, but moves differently, but speaks haltingly, but laughs unthoughtfully, and thinks crookedly.

This little ditty I wrote in one fell swoop, it isn't lyrical, it isn't beautiful, but reality isn't anyway, so I don't care. I am changed, so the world is, too.

22 June 2012


Many places get little guys like this, and that is wonderful. Hummingbirds are truly awesome creatures.

Many places get little guys like this, though people sometimes never see fence lizards. I think it's because many people never pay attention. Did you know, over the span of about 70 years or so, scientists have seen the evolution of the hind limbs of the fence lizard which allows them to get away from the fire ants which have been predators of fence lizards? Cool, huh.

Many places have snakes like this black rat snake. Many people would have killed this harmless guy and asked questions later. This snake eats rodents and stuff, which many people would pay a man to get rid of, sometimes using poisons and dangerous traps. Silly people.

I hung out with this one for a while, I named him Curly.

 I mean, what else would you call him?
 I loved the way he smoothed out when he was done talking with me, I sent him on his way. I think I saw his daddy the other day.
 Many places have bullfrogs, but lots of people would rather eat their legs than listen to their fabulous bass notes in the night symphony. We have several. This is Bocephus.
 But not too many people get this behind their barn. I got up to walk Ginger one morning, and there was this thing in the mist.
 I hustled Ginger back into the house, grabbed my ever-handy camera and stalked around the edge of the barn and caught it by the pond... he's lived here the whole time, but this is the first shot I've had.

Good Times
Published on The Red Barn Dispatch first.

24 April 2012

Bell Haiku

Dinner Bell by Darla Vaughan

Call me what you like
Don't call me late for supper
You can ring my bell

Reality is not a Double-Fronted Cookie

It has been driving me silly all week.

I watch TV for entertainment yes, but I also watch to get a glimpse of the man behind the curtain.You know, the one we aren't supposed to pay attention to.

This commercial is a fine example of the little things. It's all in the details no one ever notices except people whose job it is to separate you from your wages, and freaks like me who recognize these details.

Does no one else notice, after she bites the cookie and they flip the camera angle back and forth, the cookie is a 'front' or 'top' in both views?

All cookies have bottoms, yo. But not in never-never land.

I could bitch all day about the veneer that so many people buy into, but either you get what I'm saying, or you don't.

Not to mention... "Bitch ate my COOKIE!" the youtube site comments on this video have me smdh.

Ahh, the public. I'll just sit here and eat my homemade cookie and laugh and laugh.

23 April 2012

An Inch of Rain, A Drop of Time

I heard on the local news that September '11 was the last time we've had an more than an inch of rain with one system, in this area.

Here in the swamp, we got 1.73 inches yesterday. A veritable deluge, comparatively.

It has been the same length of time since I blogged Barefoot. Much has happened since then, maybe not on the face of things, but inside of my cosmos (which is me, yours is you).

I take that back, on the face of things, too. I mean, I did, after all, quit my job a couple of weeks ago. Just up'n quit. No safety net, just my own talents. I mean, I have them (so do you), but I don't use them efficiently (neither do you, well you over in the corner, you do, but not all of you), because of trying to keep up the farce of 'employment'.

It was simply taking too much of my precious energy, without true reward. I was giving of myself, but not to myself. I see that now. I could complain about the reasons I gave my coordinator, all valid, true, but undeserving of rumination.

Instead, this little drop of time, this period of drought, has been washed cleaned and revitalized of this dry, odd, winter with a drenching of life-giving rain.

Seemed the right time to blog about the little dormant seed in my universe, which took advantage of a crack in its tough coat and decided to burst forth. I'll nurture it for all I'm worth, for it is all I have to feed myself.

protective seed coat
only holds the germ so long
it wills itself out

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